Tuesday, June 24, 2008

One of those weeks

This is shaping up to be a week that I don't think is gonna go well. I know, a great attitude to have, but I'm just telling the truth. More on that later...

I had a great weekend celebrating Emma's birthday at our house. Almost everyone that I invited showed up, and even a few others. Emma had a great time and got lots of nice toys. The kids had a chance to hit the pinata, they played in the pool, rode around in Emma's car, and played with all of the toys in her room. It just turned out great, and I was so happy about it. Now, I have tons of thank you's to write. :-)

Now, back to this week. Monday started off with a doctors appointment to follow-up with him after my ectopic. The visit went well, and he said that things look good. Even though this was my first time seeing him since my HCG went back to 0, I had talked to the office to get a refill on my prescriptions once my cycle started. I took the first prescription with very few side effects, but when I started taking the 2nd one, that was not the case. Basically this medicine has side effects that mimic the 1st trimester of pregnancy. So, to say the least I feel really bad. All I wanna do it lay on the couch covered up in a blanket, which is hard to do when I have Emma at home to take care. I was hoping that I would feel better today, but I don't. So...let's hope this week gets better, and that I actually feel like getting some things done around the house.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Sink or Swim

Well, this is the week that I take Emma for her swimming lessons again. Last year she screamed and cried the whole time. This year is going a little better, but still not great. Even though I have told her many times that "Mr. Bobby" Tucker will not let her drown, she still acts like that at any second, she is going to vanish underneath the water, never to be heard from again. As I sat and watched her today, I couldn't help but think of my own life, and how at times I felt like I was going to "drown" and vanish underneath the "water". No, I'm not talking about physically, but emotionally and mentally. Just as Emma is learning to swim this week, those times in life that make us feel like we are going to drown, are really just teaching us to swim. In order to really enjoy life, I think we need to swim, instead of just floundering around hoping to survive.

Friday, June 13, 2008

I Will Carry You

I am not sure if you are like me or not, in that I really like music. Music speaks to me sometimes when nothing else seems to get through. I can think back to times in my life, and almost always a song comes to mind. Or, sometimes I can hear a song, and it will take me back to a moment in time, and I feel like I am just reliving that moment over again.

There is a song that has recently really been on my mind alot. It's a new song called I Will Carry You. It is by a christian group called Selah. It has not officially been released yet, but will be on their album in the fall. The song was written for a little baby girl named Audrey Caroline Smith, who had not even been born yet. Her parents had received news that she would not live once she was born due to some medical problems. Instead of terminating, they decided to carry the baby to term. That song was put with photos of the family and put up on YouTube. You can see it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o&eurl=http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/04/slideshow.html

This song has meant a lot to me, and here's why. Ike and I have been trying to have another baby for about a year. On April 18th of this year, we though that our dream of having another child was finally coming true. Our excitement was short lived, when we found out 2 days later that they pregnancy was ectopic, and that I would lose the baby. The whole ordeal drug on until May 28, when my pregnancy hormones were finally gone. So, to say the least the loss of child, no matter how early it is in the pregnancy, is difficult. This really hit me hard, considering that it took us a year, and fertility drugs to even get pregnant in the first place. I am slowly feeling better and we got released to start trying again about a week ago.

Well, that's about all for now. I'm tired and it's late.

To Blog or not to Blog?

To blog or not to blog? Well, I have decided to blog. For years I tried in vain to stick to a new years resolution of keeping a journal. Since technology has made things so much easier for us these days, I figured I would give blogging a try. I am not going to promise that these entries are going to be earth shattering, or even interesting. I will promise that each one will be honest and from the heart. So...I hope you enjoy.